Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Ricki-Lee's Guide To Improvement
Why stop when you're on top! My improvements are the craze that's taking over the world, whilst making it a better place to live. So far I've improved:
Today, I am taking on the whole literary world. I tell ya what, there are some real pieces of crap out there on the shelves. It's going to take me a while to get through all of them (I'm quite a slow reader), but just for starters...
Wuthering Heights: What the hell was going on here? I mean, moors...ghosts...? NO. How about shopping malls and party invites next time. And why did all the characters have the same name? That was confusing. Maybe if they'd all be called Beyonce, that would be better. I mean, it would still be confusing, but a lot more fun.
And really, memo to the characters - dead means dead. Dead also means that you're music is old and crap and that no one likes it.
Fun Fact! Did you know that two of the Beatles are dead? This is a thought that always brings a smile to my face when I am feeling down.
Moby Dick Oh my God, whales are so cool. I live on the Gold Coast, and I've been to Sea World quite a few times. That's a real sort of party invite place. I have a stuffed whale I got from there once that I keep on my bed. When you squeeze it it makes a sound!! Heehee. It's name is Jermaine, after Jermaine Jackson.
Didn't really like this book though. There were too many 'themes' in it, I think. Next time - just keep it quite simple, with one layer. For instance, when I go to the beach, I just sun tan for a couple of hours and go home. That would make a great book.
William Shakespeare, The Complete Works Of: Death, death, and more death in these, isn't there. This has just really reinforced my philosophy that Old Things = No Fun At All.
I tried to find the Chaka Khan version of King Lear in the library, but they only had the original, so I had to read that. God, so boring. And, really, I think jabbing out peoples eyeballs just in order to win a competition is a bit extreme. Not that I wouldn't have loved to do that to Chanel on several occasions, but that's not very modern. My tactics were more to screech loudly, flash my breasts quite often, and hump James Matheson on stage every week. And remember - 'Australian Idol was all about Ricki-Lee'. For about 3 days.
So, my point is Shakespeare - a lot more people would like you now if, instead of always ending your plays with murders or suicides, you had replaced them with perhaps a scene of everyone at a roller disco.
That's really all I have time for now. But I have a feeling that Charles Dickens is going to get a lesson or two in the up-coming future. And don't even get me STARTED on that Tolstoy guy...I'm just going to have to re-write War And Peace from scratch.