Sky's Magical Mystery Tour
Saturday, October 30, 2004
George Michael's House Of Political Discussion: Re-Open For Business
Patience was one of those albums released this year that I'd completely forgotten about. Actually, I hadn't even played it all the way through since I bought it back in March(?) and George Michael's House Of Political Discussion opened.
So anyway - I finally HAVE listened to it! And it's quite good. Especially the track 'Through'...which I really love now and wish I had discovered earlier.
It really does exemplify why George is the patron saint of political discussion though, as demonstrated by this line:
'All this cruelty and money instead of love,
People, have we no shame?'
I really enjoy the way George delivers the last part like he really is disappointed in us.
But what is George's MOST political song?
I've always, always stood by the opinion it is Wham Rap. (This point of view caused my first ever cross-blog fight incidentally).
But even if he ISN'T using being on the dole as a metaphor for being gay, as I stated at the time, it remains quite political.
I said, I - DON'T - NEED - YOU
So you don't approve,
Well who asked you to?
HEY - JERK - YOU - WORK
This boy's got better things to do
Word up, George.
And the best part of the song, the ever inspirational:
MAKE THE MOST OF EVERY DAY
DON'T LET HARD TIMES STAND IN YOUR WAY
GIVE A WHAM GIVE A BAM BUT DON'T GIVE A DAMN
COS THE BENEFIT GANG ARE GONNA PAY!
So reach up high, and touch your soul, because the boys from Wham will help you reach your goal!
Calling Out From Scatman's World
With this sudden bout of Scatman John mania, you're probably asking the question - 'But what the hell does Scatman John have to do with peace, and saving the planet?'
You and me and sister ain't got nothin' to hide.
Scatman, fat man, black and white and brown man
Tell me 'bout the colour of your soul.
If part of your solution isn't ending the pollution
Then I don't want to hear your stories told.
I want to welcome you to Scatman's world
Actually, that's just given me an idea! - We are going to need a visit from Captain Planet very soon! Because if I'm not mistaken, part of his solution is definitely ending the pollution.
Meanwhile, I still don't know what to do with the Scatman John article I wrote...
Friday, October 29, 2004
This Is A Public Warning
...why do I have the sinking feeling that I'm going to come out of this a U2 fan?
"I've Gotta Go Save Some Africans'! Part 2
Seems we are having cross Liz/blog wars about the value of saving starving people in Africa though the aid of a good song.
Well, seeing as this is the Magical Mystery Tour of Celebrity Peace & Politics there's really only one place for us to visit next...yes, WE ARE GOING TO AFRICA!
Stu get the bus! It's time to get back on the road!
SKY'S MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR - AFRICAN LEG
On The Stereo:
'I bless the rains down in Africa...
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had...'
Crystal: Ah, here we are in Africa...
Stu: You know...where specifically am I driving to...?
Crystal: Just somewhere where there are people in need, Stu
Stu: You know 'Africa' is a pretty big place right?
Crystal: It's alright...you know what road to take
Stu: Yeah yeah...the road to success.
Bono: Alright you two, listen up. It's time to feed some starving people!
Crystal: Hey Bono...I know of course, that we are IN Africa...but if we WEREN'T...how could I help you to feed starving Africans?
Bono: You could go here
Crystal: But why Africa? and why Me?
Bono: The answers are all there in the links
Stu: What the hell IS this? It's like a public bloody service announcement
Crystal: I think I've started to actually care
Stu: I think we better get back to Australia...there won't be snow in Ramsay St this christmas time either you know
Crystal: STU! Fair dinkum that was uncalled for. Anyway...I KNOW you're a bit of an Australian Bono yourself lately...shall we talk about that?
Stu: Better save it for another post
Crystal: Yeah alright. See ya Africa! It's been fun!
Damon: I'm going to stay behind I think
Stu: Good riddance then! Good bye!
Dishpig Conversational Exchange Of The Evening
Ruth: Fuck off shit bag
Dishpig: Hey! That's 'Dish Pig!'
Yeah, it is marginally better. I probably wouldn't have bothered correcting her though myself.
The Cooks is TERRIBLE. Just so lame, embarrassing, and bad. My instincts were right though...Dishpig really is rather good.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
What In The NAME?
Are Neighbours producers completely retarded? Do they have no. short. term. memories. at. all?
HAVE THEY FORGOTTEN THE LIFE MECHANICS FIASCO ALREADY?
I could scarcely believe my ears tonight. Lyn is becoming a Life Councilor. She's joining an organisation that offers 'Life advice' and 'general guidance' about how to live...
It all sounded so familiar.
Hahahahahaha. I guess we'll just have to follow this Lyn Mechanics story line and see where it takes us...
I've been forgetting to mention this for the past few days. Eminem's new video 'Mosh' is AMAZING. I think it would probably be even better if I was an American voter, but it's awesome either way.
The reason - it's Political! It's Eminem gathering up the masses, and you think that they are going to go cause some kind of mass destruction, but actually - they are just lining up to vote! BRILLIANT. It choked me up a little.
You can watch it here.
This DEFINITELY fits in with Celebrity Peace Week. Despite the title, I guess it's more Celebrity Socially & Politically Aware Week...so yeah, Eminem is right up there on our heroes list.
'I've Gotta Go Save Some Africans!'
Our first stop on the tour - Slough!
To pay a visit to a man who uses his humour and his profile to both help and amuse people...
If he makes people laugh whilst saving lives, sue him.
"People say to me 'Oi Brent, why are you still bothering with Comic Relief? You're always doing it and there's still people starving' - that's why I'm still doing it."
Yes, if there's one person in the world that really embodies the spirit of celebrities giving back to society, it's David Brent. Just remember that all the money raised is for both dances...because on a serious note - we are raising money for people who are starving to death.
But who says famine has to be depressing!
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
All We Are Saying, Is Give Peace A Second Chance
I've noticed (and I KNOW I'm not the only one) that there is a distinct lack of magical mystery touring going on around here. But all that is about to change!
Seeing as certain people have seen it fit to trash Do They Know It's Christmas and the Band Aid 'brand', we are hitting back... by going on a Magical Mystery Tour - Of Celebrity Peace!
We'll be travelling to Africa with Bob, Damon, and Bono, visiting the rainforests with Sting (and Stingray!), there'll be bed-ins, Live Aids, charity singles, tel-a-thons, missions, expeditions, appearances on Oprah - the lot!
And no prizes for guessing who'll be driving!
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
This could be the end of everything...
If I was to make a non-hysterical judgment (ie, NOT in the middle of an 'OMG, this is the best song ever!' mania) of what this year's best song and album are...do you know what they would be?
Best Single: Keane - Somewhere Only We Know
Best Album: Keane - Hopes And Fears
That...really doesn't seem right. I don't want 2004 to be the Year Of KEANE. I mean, don't get me wrong - I love Somewhere Only We Know like Ashlee Simpson loves a ho-down, that's why it's number one. And the album is awesome. But, a Keane clean sweep of the boards? They are so boring.
Can Gwen release her album in time to save things? Can ANYTHING be done at all?? When I look back at the other things that I have loved this year...well, I really don't want it to be the year of Misdeamor Higgins or Peter Murray either. What a BOREFEST.
I just hope I still love What You Waiting For in two weeks. But I wouldn't bet on it.
Monday, October 25, 2004
I Still Love Levi
You might remember Levi was my fave Idol from last year (more by default than anything - everyone else was crap). So it was great to see the fresh prince in the crowd tonight. I still, rather inexplicably, really like him.
And in great news! - His new single is Stu Approved! It is called 'Handcuffs'! I have a feeling Stu won't be needing to make any arrests over that - it would be illegal to not like it!
Out Of The Blue
I think I'm back to hating Delta. I don't really know.
I DO know I'm back to loving Mark Philippoussis again.
I want to be Ashlee Simpson.
That is all.
(Incidentally, who else has spent all day trying to perfect the Leprechaun Jig?)
Remember Michael? No, me neither.
Juuuuust kidding. He's started his own 'Goespop'. No doubt there will be plenty of incorrect information being delivered. And now I will just have to disagree from afar, with no powers of editing.
Jokes on him though - my fiendish plan has finally worked! Now that I have got rid of him, I am moving back into the Love Pavilion! It looks a bit different than it used to, but it's still the same place at heart.
(Don't worry, this is only a very brief resurrection)
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Pop Mechanics With Stu
Yes - it's a very old fashioned Pop Mechanics With Stu! Where Stu attempts to solve the problems of the world's popstars - Life Mechanics style!
Today's lucky recipient is Gwen Stefani.
Crystal: Hi Stu
Stu: G'day. What seems to be the problem?
Crystal: Well Stu...I'm really worried about Gwen Stefani. See, I really love her new single, so I'm fairly sure it's going to flop spectacularly. How can she avoid this fate?
Stu: Ah...I think that the answer to this might be found right here within the song's lyrics
Crystal: I had a feeling it might be.
Stu: You see, Gwen sings the following: 'Stuck in a moving car, can't find the brake'
Crystal: That's obviously big trouble
Stu: No, not at all. In fact, it's good to not put your foot on the brake
Crystal: Oh yeah, I catch your drift
Stu: She's obviously speeding down the highway of success with her foot on the accelerator.
Crystal: That is such a relief. So she's going to be OK?
Stu: She sure is.
Crystal: Thanks Stu.
A Lesson In Comedy
Remember when I did that test Are You As Funny As You Think You Are? and I got 'Well done - YOU ARE DAVID BRENT!' ? Well, I think I just got some more cold hard comedy home truths, thanks to my tape of last night's Rage.
It was Tripod guest programming, who I really can't stand. I think they are totally non-hilarious, and their 'affiliation' with Rove isn't helping either.
Anyway...the first song they picked was Tenancious D 'Tribute'. I found this VERY fitting because yesterday I'd said they were the Australian version of Tenancious D, but without any comedy or music skills. So when one of them said 'This band makes me want to quit my job' I was thinking, yeah, PLEASE DO.
But then...strike me down, because the rest of their intro to the song was quite hilarious. And their into to the next song as well!
Which made me slowly start to think...when I eventually guest program rage...I don't think I'm going to be this hysterical. Oh my God - I AM NOT EVEN AS FUNNY AS TRIPOD.
I don't think I'll watch the rest of the tape because it's too depressing.
What I CAN do though - is practice. My Ultimate Rage Playlist changes week-to-week, but if for some reason Rage phoned me this right this instant and said 'Pick your playlist RIGHT NOW!' this is what would be on it.
I think it really does straddle the line between obeying The Rage Rules, and picking all the songs I love. All I have to do now is look through it and decide between which songs to insert the jokes.
Crystal's Rage Guest Program Playlist:
1. Whatever - OASIS
2. Ticket To Ride - THE BEATLES
3. Instant Karma! - JOHN LENNON
4. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - THE SMITHS
5. Wannabe - THE SPICE GIRLS
6. Buffalo Stance - NENEH CHERRY
7. Stay - LISA LOEB
8. London Calling - THE CLASH
9. This Is Hardcore - PULP
10. Common People - PULP
11. Baby One More Time - BRITNEY SPEARS
12. Lucky Star - MADONNA
13. Hell Hole - SPINAL TAP
14. Love In An Elevator - AEROSMITH
15. Living On A Prayer - BON JOVI
16. Paint It Black - ROLLING STONES
17. Karma Police - RADIOHEAD
18. For Tomorrow - BLUR
19. To The End - BLUR
20. Good Vibrations - MARKY MARK
21. U Can't Touch This - MC HAMMER
22. Don't You Want Me - HUMAN LEAGUE
23. Come Home With Me Baby - DEAD OR ALIVE
24. Rebel Rebel - DAVID BOWIE
25. Animal Nitrate - SUEDE
26. Hello Sunshine - SUPER FURRY ANIMALS
27. I Believe In A Thing Called Love - THE DARKNESS
28. The Scientist - COLDPLAY
29. Slam Dunk Da Funk - FIVE
30. Look At Me - GERI HALLIWELL
31. Wham Rap - WHAM!
32. Satellite Of Love - LOU REED
32. Shiny Happy People - REM Feat B-52S
33. I Want You Back - JACKSON FIVE
34. Gigantic - THE PIXIES
35. Malibu - HOLE
36. Otherside - RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS
37. California Love - 2PAC Feat DR DRE
38. Lose Yourself - EMINEM
39. Foolish Games - JEWEL
40. Love Takes Time - MARIAH CAREY
41. Why Can't I - LIZ PHAIR
42. Winter - TORI AMOS
43. Back For Good - TAKE THAT
44. Hanging On The Telephone - BLONDIE
45. Back In Black - AC/DC
45. Papa Don't Preach - KELLY OSBOURNE
46. No Good Advice - GIRLS ALOUD
47. Help! - THE BEATLES
48. Rock 'n' Roll Star - OASIS
49. Supersonic - OASIS
50. Live Forever - OASIS
Oh my GOD, that is the best collection of songs ever. Now I just wish so badly that it was real.
Rage, call me! - I have hilarious anecdotes after all!